Dating and Relationship Advice for the Independent and Savvy Woman

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1)      You need to date plenty of people in order to find someone you are truly compatible with. I do not believe there is ONE soul mate out there for each person; I believe there are plenty of “perfect for you” people out there.

2)      You need to date and spend at least 3 years with someone before you will really get to scratch the surface of who someone REALLY is. If you two can stick together at least 3 years; you’re at least on a good track.

3)      Dating is meant to be fun! If within the first few dates you’re not excited, not being treated like a lady, not having fun and simply trying to dodge advances- RUN!

4)      Anyone can act like a gentleman for a short while. It takes a while to find a TRUE gentleman who isn’t just trying to impress you or get something from you.

5)      If the only time a guy calls or sends texts  is in the middle of the night or after he’s thrown back a few – he only wants ONE THING. Don’t give it to him! There are plenty of men out there like this because women allow it. Yes, being lonely SUCKS, but self-respect is much more important than feeling “wanted” for a night.

6)      A real date consists of a man at least offering to pick you up and paying for the date. It’s not 1950’s but there’s something special about a man actually picking you up and dropping you off and actually treating you. If you’re not comfortable – it’s totally cool to meet somewhere and/or split the bill, but if he OFFERS at least show he’s treating you like a lady.

7)      There’s no need to RUSH! Let me repeat that…there’s NO NEED TO RUSH! Whether it be the first kiss, sleeping together, moving in and especially MARRIAGE/KIDS! Listen, if it’s supposed to last “for-ever” then what is the point of rushing the experience? You only have so many firsts in the dating/relationship world so relish in them. Taking your time will ensure things are happening right and not because your head is in the clouds. Forever is a loooooonnggg time after all and not very many will stand the test of time, no matter how many “promises” they make.

8)      If you’re not getting lovin’ from your partner on a regular basis – it’s time to talk about it. Sometimes we think sex isn’t that important but oh lordy is it! You should want to keep your sex life loving, exciting and frequent. If you and/or your partner don’t want to show each other that kind of love – it’s time to re-evaluate what’s really going on. You should be able to talk about this open and honestly.

9)      Don’t lose your friendships just because you’re in a relationship. Remember that there was time when you were single and had a lot more alone time on your hands. Nurturing your friendships is super important. It’s important to be there for your friends. PS- when you’re with your friends (especially your single ones) please refrain from talking about how great your love life and boyfriend are. Your single girlfriends are happy for you, but can only handle that so much.

10)   Don’t lose YOURSELF! It’s so easy for women to want to mold into their man’s life. He should want to come around and meet your friends/family too! It’s not just about him and you fitting into HIS world. You both will have to learn how to balance it all as a couple.

11)   Don’t combine accounts – maybe ever – enough said.

12)   Have time apart. Whether you are in a bed reading a book or out with friends; it’s important you both maintain identities away from each other.

13)   Stop the PDA all the time! Not everyone wants to see you two talking in you baby voices, kissing and rubbing all over each other. It’s uncomfortable. It’s important to show affection, but tone it down until you’re alone.

14)   Intimacy requires not only the physical aspect but it requires being able to talk to each other about almost anything. You should be able to communicate things; good or bad with your partner. They should not shut you down or make you feel worse. They should not ignore you. You should be able to talk to them and express your feelings related to them or not without any fear. PS- you still have your girls to vent to and girl chat with 😉

15)   It’s important to be able to have fun together doing things you BOTH enjoy doing.

16)   Always be honest with each other. If you have to lie, you’re on a bad path. Plus if one of you is lying to the other and the other finds out; trust is something that is nearly impossible to fully get back once it’s broken.

17)   No one is perfect- yes you included. People will make mistakes, say the wrong things and be in bad moods. The key to success is to know this and be able to handle it together. Learn to not provoke your partner. As long as you can both apologize and talk it out when necessary; you will be fine.

18)   It takes TWO to make a long lasting relationship work. One person cannot be the only one willing to talk and work it out. If you respect, love and truly want to make it work with your partner, you will. If you don’t, you will shut down or make every excuse in the book.

19)   If a relationship simply isn’t working it’s okay to let go. No matter how intertwined your lives are or how “comfortable” you may feel, it’s important to pursue the most happiness that you can. Find someone who is willing to love you for you who truly are and don’t settle for less.

20)   Believe in yourself, demand respect and know what you are looking for in a mate. It will definitely come with some trial and error I’m sure of that, but enjoy the journey. There will come a day when you find the right person and it will all make more sense… AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT THEY SAY 😉

Hugs and Loves,

Wishes for the Soul

Tianna Leigh

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